Sometimes, no actually most of the time – especially recently, I wonder what the heck am I doing with my life. I feel like I should be doing something else instead of wasting my time and energy. I don’t know… For example, recently I get annoyed when I’m doing house chores. Especially when Floyd/BF-I-live-with emphasize that it’s my job as the “lady” in the house. I admit it’s because I usually don’t want to do it but there’s also the pressure I’m feeling everytime he states my responsibilities.

Living together is sure a big thing and to be honest, I kinda want to give up.

Then there is also my mother-thing. I feel guilty that I left my mother for my boyfriend. She raised me because she wants to be with somebody (me) and I feel like I failed her and I feel guilty that she’s now kind of alone. She visits us here from time to time and I feel bad because my attention’s not 100% into her when she’s here. Well, for me, I think we don’t have much talk about and being together with her is enough for me.

I’m afraid that we’ll loose our connection eventually. I don’t want that.